I Dislike Funning at the Bar

I'm sad. This weekend ten people left and eight people came. I feel like at some point one would get used to the constant changing out but like I've said before, it gets harder every week. This week was especially bad. Quite a number of the people who left were here for a month or more which meant I actually had time to get to know them. Saying goodbye to Lesley was the hardest. I spent quite a bit of time with her and even taught with her for two weeks. She was also the last person from my original group to leave. The last two groups have also been my first times working with new volunteers in classes I'm supposedly experienced in. It's been harder than I thought it would be. I feel like the new people come in with the idea that the oldies are the teachers and they're just assisting. I tried to get my new teaching partner to help me today with the Xayadeth lesson plan and she just wouldn't. She really seems to have it in her head that it's her first day so she doesn't have to do anything. Yet I get that impression from many of the new people and I think it's a misunderstanding that should be addressed from the beginning. Thankfully I only have one more group of newbies that I actually have to deal with before I head home.

Then there's Xayadeth, it's breaking my spirit. It's another thing that's shockingly difficult to get used to. Instead of getting better every week it gets more and more tiring. Today was worse than usual because I taught the morning class on my own. They're a quiet class on most days but Monday's are even worse. There was one point when I just wanted to give up and walk out. It takes more determination and more energy than I have to make a dent in those students. The school needs a lot of reformation and everyone knows it but we aren't allowed to do anything about it. I think I'm going to ask to have no Xayadeth my last week because it's just draining me dry. Every time I go there I want to go home so bad but every time I see the novices I want to stay. I think if my last week is better ill have a better memory of my experience as a whole.